This could easily come off as me being a product of my generation, but I'd encourage you to avoid using DVDs in the car. Granted we never had these when you were young, and I'm sure the video player makes an easy babysitter, but there's a lot to be missed by getting into the habit of turning on an in-car video player or hooking one up so you don't have to 'deal with the kids'.
When you were young, before you could read, on vacations; even the long ones involving 15+ hours in the car; we'd get books on tape and enjoy those for hours on end. The whole family could participate rather than the kids in the backseat silently watching a video. Getting everybody to participate also allows for conversations about things that may be misunderstood or just plain provide opportunities to interact.
If I recall this story correctly, on one long trip (again a 10+ hour car ride), we'd listened to a book most of the way home and when we arrived home we sat in the car in the garage for another 20 minutes so we could hear the conclusion of the book. Good fun and a good story.
29 June 2010
25 June 2010
Gentle, kind answers
A gentle answer really does turn away wrath (Prov 15:1). While sometimes difficult to do in the heat of the moment, a kind, gentle answer does work. Rather than escalating the tension, causing more emotional damage (that can last for a very long time), and extending the conflict, it can help bring the conflict to the right focus and in general dissolve the hostility.
This is a great goal to work towards with your kids, spouse, coworkers, friends, drivers on the road, etc.
Quick story where a kind answer / response would have been better.
When you (Jonathan) were in junior high one summer you decided to be a baseball umpire (even though the last time you'd played baseball was when you were 5). As it happened you ended up behind home plate for Peter's team and I was the coach. We were down by a run or so, Peter was on 3rd and a man on 1st. A ball was put into play and there was a play at home - Peter was sliding in and the ball arrived just a bit before he reached the plate. The catcher was standing on home plate when he caught the ball and you promptly called Peter out, ending the inning.
I was in the dugout and came rushing out to contest the call. While I wasn't mad at you, I do recall not using a kind, gentle answer. My comments to you were more on the intense side of the spectrum. I do not remember exactly what the words were we used to 'discuss' the situation, but you ended up being mad at me and looked for a different way to get home after the game (which we lost).
Note the position of the players on the field when the ball was put into play. There was no force out at home, so your call was incorrect. The catcher had to tag Peter to put him out, but rather just stepped on the plate. I could have calmly and kindly explained this to you when it happened, but don't believe that was the situation with my comments.
Much later after the game we eventually came to an understanding - you understood the baseball rules better and I was reminded that a gentle answer is a much better response.
This is a great goal to work towards with your kids, spouse, coworkers, friends, drivers on the road, etc.
Quick story where a kind answer / response would have been better.
When you (Jonathan) were in junior high one summer you decided to be a baseball umpire (even though the last time you'd played baseball was when you were 5). As it happened you ended up behind home plate for Peter's team and I was the coach. We were down by a run or so, Peter was on 3rd and a man on 1st. A ball was put into play and there was a play at home - Peter was sliding in and the ball arrived just a bit before he reached the plate. The catcher was standing on home plate when he caught the ball and you promptly called Peter out, ending the inning.
I was in the dugout and came rushing out to contest the call. While I wasn't mad at you, I do recall not using a kind, gentle answer. My comments to you were more on the intense side of the spectrum. I do not remember exactly what the words were we used to 'discuss' the situation, but you ended up being mad at me and looked for a different way to get home after the game (which we lost).
Note the position of the players on the field when the ball was put into play. There was no force out at home, so your call was incorrect. The catcher had to tag Peter to put him out, but rather just stepped on the plate. I could have calmly and kindly explained this to you when it happened, but don't believe that was the situation with my comments.
Much later after the game we eventually came to an understanding - you understood the baseball rules better and I was reminded that a gentle answer is a much better response.
22 June 2010
Be proud of your kids
Be proud of your kids and make sure they know it.
This doesn't mean congratulate them for getting out of bed in the morning or breathing or any of a number of other banal activities. False self esteem does more harm than good, that's not what you're trying to build.
What you should do is recognize their talents, skills, and abilities and make sure they know you acknowledge them and are proud of them; and encourage them to bless others with their gifts.
This doesn't mean congratulate them for getting out of bed in the morning or breathing or any of a number of other banal activities. False self esteem does more harm than good, that's not what you're trying to build.
What you should do is recognize their talents, skills, and abilities and make sure they know you acknowledge them and are proud of them; and encourage them to bless others with their gifts.
11 June 2010
Babies and car seats.
I've observed many young mothers with the car seat and a toddler. If the auto has only two doors, getting the child in and out of the car can be challenging - to say the least. Our grand-daughter in law has a two door and an 18 month old. Getting Logan in and out of the back seat car seat requires that she is sure to have enough room on the right side when parking that she can safely get in the back with the door open and extract her child.This can be a challenge in some parking lots in shopping centers.
Vans with sliding side doors are much safer for all concerned and easier to get your child in or out of the vehicle [car seat].
So, keep these thoughts in mind when you are car shopping. Make it easier on your self and spouse!
Vans with sliding side doors are much safer for all concerned and easier to get your child in or out of the vehicle [car seat].
So, keep these thoughts in mind when you are car shopping. Make it easier on your self and spouse!
Books - Reading - Life
Give your child a life of adventure. BOOKS> Start with the small ones you read to them and gradually move them in to those they read on their own. And give them the chance to explore history, biography, and and adventure fiction.
"National Geographic" can let them explore the whole world. [You'll need to monitor what the content is in a issue - not all are acceptable]. As they grow older, "Reader's Digest" [if it is still published] covers a wide range of subjects.
Emphasize reading over vegging in front of the tube. And limit electronic gadgets. There are only some many positions as Drone Pilots! {and this is from a geek Grandfather}
And the public library is a rich source of reading material. [ This will kick in in grade school.] Books are a rich source of adventure, entertainment, and knowledge. Set a good example by reading yourself!
"National Geographic" can let them explore the whole world. [You'll need to monitor what the content is in a issue - not all are acceptable]. As they grow older, "Reader's Digest" [if it is still published] covers a wide range of subjects.
Emphasize reading over vegging in front of the tube. And limit electronic gadgets. There are only some many positions as Drone Pilots! {and this is from a geek Grandfather}
And the public library is a rich source of reading material. [ This will kick in in grade school.] Books are a rich source of adventure, entertainment, and knowledge. Set a good example by reading yourself!
09 June 2010
Be careful little eyes what they see
The adage is true ‘be careful little eyes what you see, ears what you hear, etc.’ Not sure if you recall but when you were little we very closely monitored what you watched on TV. While it’s tempting to just turn on the TV and let it keep the kids entertained, there is so much on TV (and now the internet) that little kids, young kids, etc. don’t need to be exposed to.
As a parent it’s okay to be a prude, be Big Brother, be the filter through which all media must pass.
And it’s not just bad things: violence, language, etc., it’s also inappropriate attitudes that can be seen on TV and emulated in real life. Better to stimulate them with positive images, language, words, etc.
Granted there is so much more technology available today than when you all were kids which means there are many more options you can select from and many other things you need to be cautious of.
When you were young you mostly watched videos that we bought or made from acceptable shows on TV. For some reason we had recorded “The Nutcracker” with Baryshnikov and this quickly became your favorite thing to watch. You played Nutcrakcer with each other constantly (I’m sure the swords played a big part in the appeal). And much to our amusement, you would attempt to perform the play for us on numerous occasions.
All of us remember you and Joel handing out flashlights to Mom, Grandmother, Papaw, and myself which we were to use as the stage lights for your production. However, you never seemed to get beyond scurrying back and forth between the bedroom and the living room to say “hold on….hold on”, then back to the bedroom to discuss the blocking of the action, pop into the living room for a quick “hold on….hold on”, scoot backstage for more choreography discussions in the bedroom, etc. On and on.
We’re still waiting for your performance.
As a parent it’s okay to be a prude, be Big Brother, be the filter through which all media must pass.
And it’s not just bad things: violence, language, etc., it’s also inappropriate attitudes that can be seen on TV and emulated in real life. Better to stimulate them with positive images, language, words, etc.
Granted there is so much more technology available today than when you all were kids which means there are many more options you can select from and many other things you need to be cautious of.
When you were young you mostly watched videos that we bought or made from acceptable shows on TV. For some reason we had recorded “The Nutcracker” with Baryshnikov and this quickly became your favorite thing to watch. You played Nutcrakcer with each other constantly (I’m sure the swords played a big part in the appeal). And much to our amusement, you would attempt to perform the play for us on numerous occasions.
All of us remember you and Joel handing out flashlights to Mom, Grandmother, Papaw, and myself which we were to use as the stage lights for your production. However, you never seemed to get beyond scurrying back and forth between the bedroom and the living room to say “hold on….hold on”, then back to the bedroom to discuss the blocking of the action, pop into the living room for a quick “hold on….hold on”, scoot backstage for more choreography discussions in the bedroom, etc. On and on.
We’re still waiting for your performance.
06 June 2010
Go fly a kite, or swing a swing, or merry a go round
There is a kite festival at Frontier Park today. Cool kites. I also noticed a family in their backyard trying (without much success) to fly a couple of their own kites. The kids looked like they were having fun and Mom and Dad were helping as best they could. When else but as a parent (or grandparent) of a younger child can you get by with playing in the park, swinging on swings, sliding down slides, spinning on a merry-go-round, flying a kite, etc? And all of that being good, productive time well spent.
When you were quite young we spent much time at the park at the end of our block in Prairie Village playing on the slides, swings, merry-go-rounds, etc. When you were older and we lived in Shawnee we spent hours at the pool after I got home from work most days in the summer. We played. We had fun. Never be too old or too busy to play with your kids.
01 June 2010
Let your uncle mean uncle
When you all were little I established a hard and fast rule whenever we played physically together – tickling, wrestling, etc. As soon as you cried (or whimpered, if in a particularly tight wrestling hold) “uncle”, the play stopped immediately. No tickling, no wresting, etc.
This was a simple way to build trust between us. I followed it and made sure you all followed it when roughhousing with each other.
Of course Peter had fun with this and couldn’t just say uncle all the time. There would be times I was tickling him and he would start to say “uncle” but would turn it into “umbrella” or “cousin” or “aunt” or something else, just so the tickling would continue.
This was a simple way to build trust between us. I followed it and made sure you all followed it when roughhousing with each other.
Of course Peter had fun with this and couldn’t just say uncle all the time. There would be times I was tickling him and he would start to say “uncle” but would turn it into “umbrella” or “cousin” or “aunt” or something else, just so the tickling would continue.
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